one of the most infuriating things about becoming an adult is when you realize that it actually is 10x easier to solve problems by making a phone call vs literally any other communication method
I fucking hate this website because not only did I click this goddamn link expecting it to be a joke of some sort, but it wasn’t a joke and I sat here spinning the screen around enjoying myself in a stupid bag of cornflakes like the dumbass monkey I am on Tumblr.com, enthralled by being in a bag of corn flakes in
Oh, okay. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select out, oh I don’t know, that gaslight gatekeep girlboss meme, for instance, because you’re trying to tell the world that you think modern feminism has been co-opted by corporations. But what you don’t know is that that meme is not from Instagram, it’s not from Twitter, it’s not from Tiktok, it’s actually from Tumblr. You’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in January 2021, Tumblr user missnumber1111 posted, “today’s agenda: gaslight gatekeep and most importantly girlboss.” And then I think it was a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e, wasn’t it, who reblogged it with an image of the phraseedited over a piece of“Live, Laugh, Love” wall art? And then gaslight gatekeep girlboss showed up in the feeds of eight different Twitter repost accounts. Then it filtered down through Instagram and then trickled on down into some tragic “alt side of Tiktok” where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that meme represents millions of notes and countless Tumblr users and so it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from Tumblr when, in fact, you’re wearing the meme that was selected for you by the people in this room. From a pile of “stuff.”
I swear this is how I feel every time I see a Tumblr screenshot out in the wild
ripping my hair out screaming crying bc someone in a thrifting group i’m in found this and had no idea what they found and listed it as sad and sketchy and did not buy it
WAIT NO WAIT OHG MY GOD THAT’S THE JERSEY SHORE COPYPASTA. IT’S THE FUCKING. NOTE THAT SNOOKI AND JWOWW WROTE TO SAMMY
IM NOT A JERSEY SHORE FAN BUT
SOMEONE COMMISSIONED THIS OFF OF ME A FEW MONTHS AGO
• On June 28, 1914, Archduke Franz Ferdinand and his wife are assassinated. This is the match in the powder keg that ignites World War I.
• Soldiers living and dying in horrific conditions and in close proximity to one another means that diseases spread very quickly.
• One German soldier in particular contracts jaundice and is removed from the battlefield. This soldier is Conrad Veidt.
• Veidt is permitted to act in the army theatre until his condition improves and he is fit to return to battle.
• In 1917 he is deemed unfit to serve and is discharged from the German army.
• Conrad Veidt returns to the theatre and goes on to have an illustrious career on both stage and screen, gaining stardom by playing major roles in pictures such as Different From the Others (1919), the first pro-gay film known to exist, with Veidt as the lead; and The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920), widely regarded to be the first true horror film, with Veidt as a major antagonist under the villain’s control. He is one of few silent film stars whose careers last through the advent of sound.
• In the late 1920s, Veidt travels to the United States to star in a few films for Universal Pictures. One of these films is The Man Who Laughs (1928), in which he plays Gwynplaine, the titular Laughing Man, who was surgically disfigured as a child to set his mouth in a permanent grin. This film is adapted from Victor Hugo’s 1869 novel, L’Homme qui rit.
• On April 25, 1940, the Joker makes his first appearance in the debut issue of the comic book Batman. It is generally accepted that the visual design of the Joker is based directly on Conrad Veidt’s appearance as Gwynplaine in The Man Who Laughs (1928). This is supported by the Joker’s creators, although their accounts of the Joker’s creation differ.
• The Joker goes on to become one of the most popular characters of all time, joining the ranks of characters of myth, legend, literature, and modern media whose stories will likely be retold and remembered until the sands of time have buried the bones of humanity forever.
• Enter tumblr user @the-muppet-joker (aka Croaker), who not only kins (mainly) the Joker and Kermit the Frog, but is also in a relationship with both of them.
• Tumblr user and YouTuber @strange-aeons makes a video delving into the twisted mind (and blog) of the Croaker.
• Croaker is angered by this, and so they schedule a duel to the death at @dashcon-two.
• They duel. Strange emerges victorious and is knighted by the Ball Pit Queen. Croaker dies and the funeral process is speedrunned with a heartfelt rendition of “Man or Muppet” performed by The Musical InterDudes. The singers held signs with individual letters spelling “KUNG POW PENIS”.
TL,DR: The Croaker owes his existence to jaundice and the 1914 assassination of an Austro-Hungarian noble.
there’s been plenty of pushback against youtube’s plan to age-check users by using an AI to analyze everyone’s watching habits, but amidst that, i spotted this playlist circulating among some teens:
(picture is a reconstruction to protect the kids identity)
interesting! they’re trying to trick the AI by watching videos that have a primarily adult viewer demographic? well im a curious fella so naturally i have to take a look-see, and
im simultaneously amused at the perception of what kids think adults watch, fascinated that they’re thinking to take these measures, and saddened that theyre forced to live in a stupid digital panopticon
Digging through my WIP folder and I found notes for a story idea I had about a dragon adopting a human.
Not on accident, mind you, the dragon doesn’t just stumble across a human infant and adopts it. The dragon decides it wants to adopt a human.
The dragon explains this to its lich friend: “I want someone to take care of me in my old age! A human would be great! Imagine how easily it could talk the other humans into leaving me alone! And– and it might decide to grow up and become a goldsmith, right? Some humans become goldsmiths. My human might decide to go into goldsmithing too!”
“I think you’re overestimating the percentage of humans who become goldsmiths,” replies the lich friend, who is not terribly discouraging of the idea, but also not particularly invested in it at this point. It seems like a plan with a lot of potential points of failure.
The dragon is undeterred, mostly because it has a whole hoard of gold coins and goblets and jewelry and trinkets that seem to indicate to it that there must, in fact, be a great number of humans who know goldsmithing to have produced all that.
Anyway, the dragon decides to shapeshift into a humanoid form, go into a city, and adopt a human child. It needs the lich’s help, because it doesn’t know anything about human fashion. The lich’s knowledge on the subject is a few centuries outdated, but they attack a few fancy carriage on the road and reverse-engineer an outfit from what the humans inside them were wearing. (Those humans were nobles, it’s fine, it’s a victimless crime)
The lich fusses a lot with the humanoid appearance of the dragon until everything looks just so.
(“Am I actually doing it wrong, or are you just making me shapeshift into something you find more attractive?” the dragon asks.
“If you want me to pose as your husband, this is the price to pay,” the lich replies.)
They go into the city, anyway, and they find an orphanage on the shady side of town, where the tired, overworked and underpaid matron clearly sees there’s something not right about these two, but not in any obvious way she can put her finger on. She’s just happy to have one less mouth to feed.
Anyway, child get!
She comes along quietly, and doesn’t even comment when she’s taken to a dragon lair.
The dragon is ecstatic with its new acquisition.
(“Does it know any commands?” the dragon wonders. “Sit! Stay! Roll over?”
“You may be thinking of dogs,” the lich points out. “Children do not perform tricks.”
They both looked at the human child, trying to figure out how to approach her.
“So, what scam are you running here?” the little girl asked suddenly, startling both the dragon and the lich.
“I was wrong,” the lich says, “they’ve definitely been teaching children new tricks since I was alive.”)
I’m calling it: the girl becomes a thief and adds gold to the dragon’s collection. The dragon claims their human child is a goldsmith, because look all the shiny jewelry she gives them!
Dragon, smugly: My child is officially a goldsmith! Look at this chest full of gold she just gave to me!
Lich: Really. And she made all this gold all by herself?
Dragon: She worked very hard, yes.
Lich: So she made this gold? She made it with her own hands? She didn’t steal it from the king’s tax wagons that rolled through here last week?
Dragon: SHE WORKED VERY HARD AND THIS GOLD IS HERE AS A RESULT OF HER LABORS. AND SHE HAS GIFTED IT TO ME, AS I HAVE PREDICTED
person trying to get out of a timeloop but they keep getting brutally murdered by the other person stuck in the timeloop, who is having the most amazing vacation of their life and refuses to leave
